Posts tagged iPhone
Posts tagged iPhone
We here at Apple Inquisition are delighted to report some very exciting, exclusive news today. As it turns out, the long-awaited, waterproof iPhone is already here. And the most surprising thing is: you’ve already had one for years!
That’s right, just minutes ago, we received an anonymous tip in our Anonymous Tips inbox stating that all iPhones are - and always have been - waterproof. How Apple has managed to keep this a secret from the general public for so long, we will surely never know. The iPhone truly is a magical device that continues to surprise and tantalize us long after we thought we knew everything.
So go ahead everyone, start submersing your iPhones in liquid! iPods and iPads are probably fine too! We here at Apple Inquisition can’t wait to try it out for ourselves!
Last night, under the cover of darkness, Google secretly released its redundant Google Maps app for iOS. Clearly someone at Google did not get the message when Apple replaced Google’s app with it’s own mapping service earlier this year with the release of iOS 6.
When I was young, I used to spend my days going out into the forest and just getting lost exploring. It’s this adventuring spirit that the Google Maps app is missing. Anyone can give you driving directions from point A to B, but Apple’s mapping services give you a different experience allowing you to discover the world and yourself.
Apple allows people to make mistakes and learn from experience. This is essential to not only our own personal growth, but the growth of culture and society. Apple’s Maps will lead you to new and unexpected places in life as well as geographically. And at the risk of editorializing, it’s just sad that Google is once again trying to compete in an overcrowded marketplace already won by Apple.
Keep it locked to Apple Inquisition for App reviews you can use!
When Apple’s CEO and figurehead, Steve Jobs passed away this year, many feared that Apple would be left adrift without their creative leader. It is well known that Jobs himself had a firsthand role in the development of Apple’s most successful products.
“We honestly have just been sitting around for months with no idea what to do.” said Apple’s Senior VP of Industrial Design, Jony Ive this week. “But then I read the Steve Jobs biography, and it’s just full of ideas! Have you guys read it? There’s a whole part about this new kind of Apple TV, it’s amazing. And then the chapter about how to make the 15” MacBook Air work, I really couldn’t figure it out. Steve really was a unique talent in this industry.”
The book includes detailed schematics of the next three generations of the iPhone, iPod and iMac. No Mac Pro tower is detailed, but the book does specify that Apple will no longer be focusing on support for the professional market in the upcoming years. Ive continued to sing praises for the late Jobs’ biography: “It’s amazing that Steve was able to code much of OS X 10.8 Snow Lion and OS XI Brontosaurus, and it was just such a stroke of luck for us that Isaacson was able to print it all in this wonderful book. And I can’t tell you how relieved I am to be able to start some real work on the iBrain. According to the book, it’s going to be revolutionary.”
Walter Isaacson’s biography of Steve Jobs has been available for several months now, and includes Jobs’ favourite oatmeal cookie recipe as well as most of Apple’s banking information.
Reader Sandy Henderfield sent the following message to Apple CEO Steve Jobs’ email address last week:
Dear Mr. Jobs:
I have been hearing a number of different rumors surrounding the impending release of a new, smaller iPhone. I just can’t make sense of what to believe out there, and the idea of a cloud-storage-based phone sounds a little far-fetched. Could you possibly divulge any information on this mysterious product?
Sent from my iPhone Nano 4GS
What could all of this mean? Stay tuned to Apple Inquisition throughout the coming months as we will tirelessly bring you detailed analysis of this correspondence.
Apple Inquisition has obtained, through highly illegal methods, what appear to be the first-ever images of Apple’s upcoming iPhone 5. What makes this phone unique is its new interface, which is entirely screen-free. The rumors are finally confirmed in these clear images.
The new iPhone 5 in what may or may not be some sort of a case.
iPhone 5 shown next to a For Rent sign for scale.
Our thanks to the many insiders who gave their lives to obtain these breathtaking images.
The iPhone 5 is expected to be released this summer because that’s when the new phones come out every year.
It is no secret that Apple is planning a major overhaul of their MobileMe service this summer. It is just a fact. And of the many rumors currently swirling about this subject, the latest is also the most likely: Apple will add a sandwich delivery service that will be available to all of their new and existing MobileMe customers.
The exact details are apparently not yet finalized, according to Apple Inquisition’s insider. However, it would appear that Quiznos is a frontrunner in landing the lucrative partnership. When reached for comment, a Quiznos employee went on record saying that working with Apple would be “very exciting.”
But the question remains: why Quiznos? Our insider shares some information:
Quiznos is a moderately successful sandwich company, and if you’ve ever been inside one of their restaurants, I think that you’ll agree that they are the most Apple-y of all major sandwich franchises.
Apparently Subway was another contender in Apple’s testing phase, but their sandwiches were evidently too processor-intensive. It was very difficult to order a sandwich with the very limited battery life of the iPhone Nano.
While Apple has yet to finalize all of the details, Apple Insider has also heard that the name of the new service is going to be SandwichTime.
Apple is expected to launch the new MobileMe on Lincoln’s birthday.
Reliable sources have been telling Apple Inquisition that Apple employees are currently testing a new screen-free model of their popular iPhone. Our insider details the new approach to their iOS devices:
The idea is that they’ve already done the Retina Display, so what’s next? Anti-display. They will be marketing it as a revolution in interface technology. I suppose it’s like this: when you lose the visual aspect, all of your other senses are heightened exponentially, and that’s really what they want to bring to the next-generation iPhone.
Apparently the phone will have essentially the same design as the current iPhone 4, except it will simply be a large black touch surface in place of the screen. It is still unknown as to how users will distinguish between the front and the back of the phone.
The new screenless iPhone is expected to be released some time tomorrow.