Posts tagged Face Melting

A new Apple television set has been the hotly debated subject of a number of rumors since the release of Steve Jobs’ biography this past month. There is a particular chapter in the book in which Jobs speaks of a new product:

“I’ve been secretly working on an Apple TV set.” Jobs told me in confidence. “It’s going to revolutionize the television industry in the most magical way possible. This baby is going to melt faces and make your brain explode.”

Unfortunately for Apple, it seems that the new Retina Display television set literally does melt faces in addition to causing other bodily harm to its viewers. Our insider has the scoop:

Apple is currently in the testing stage with the new Apple TV. It looks like it’s still going to be a while before it’s ready for release, though. Product testers have been complaining about headaches, nausea, temporary blindness, diarrhea, permanent blindness, heart attacks, nose failure, death, and cottonmouth. I heard that an entire test facility was destroyed when someone tried to AirPlay an iPhoto slideshow from an iPad 3 to the new Apple TV. It was devastating for the development team to have to go back and tweak their designs.

While the immediate cause of these minor afflictions is still unknown, many people are theorizing that the 15970 x 9780 display is just an unholy number of pixels not meant for mankind.

Stay locked on Apple Inquisition as we bring you the latest on Apple’s secret television projects / weapons.