CUPPERTINO - This morning, Apple addressed the media and announced that every single one of their products will be delayed by exactly one year. The news may be a tough pill to swallow for many Apple investors, but might not actually come as a surprise. Recently, rumors have been flying that the iPad and MacBook Pros are facing delays. This past week, even the iPhone 5 was reported to have been delayed until September, well past its expected June launch. However, this morning, Apple confirmed the worst by announcing that each and every one of their upcoming products has been pushed back by one year.

Apple CEO Steve Jobs addressed the media in the world’s lest exciting Apple Keynote:

I am saddened to have to make this announcement today, because we really were working on all of these great new products. Most of them were just about finished too. But there were some manufacturing problems. And some other problems too. Like, Intel’s chip recall. I blame that. I think most of the blame probably lies with Intel.

But the extra year will allow us to really magic-up these new products. I think that the consumer is going to be very excited for the amazing new things we’ve got planned - which is definitely not nothing. I mean, how could a company as big as Apple just forget to make new products? Right? It’s crazy. If you think that, you are crazy.

Jobs then proceeded to laugh awkwardly for several minutes in the hope that others in the audience would join him. Those in attendance remained equal parts silent and embarrassed.

We at Apple Inquisition are disappointed to learn of the delays, but we remain more optimistic than ever about the revolutionary new products - that Apple definitely has been working on - due to be released some time next year.