For a more in-depth analysis of Microsoft’s Windows 8 tablet ecosystem, please consult our review of the Microsoft Surface.

While the original Microsoft Surface tablet was initially met with some criticism, the Surface Pro is an incredible upgrade over the original. Microsoft’s latest Windows 8 tablet aims to give Apple’s iPad a run for its money in the post-PC era.

PROS:

• Unlike the original Surface, the Pro runs Windows 8 in desktop mode.
• The battery now lasts up to 20 minutes.
• Also unlike the original Surface, the Touch Cover’s keys are somewhat functional and not just drawn on with a Sharpie.
• Trackpad still imaginary.
• Microsoft’s alternative to Siri, Smeary, still very rude.
• The new feature that automatically and irreversibly uploads all of your personal photos to Facebook without your consent is very handy.
• While testing for review, the Surface Pro only caught fire three times.
• Runs MS Office.
• 4 GB of 64 GB hard drive is available to store all of your personal files.
• To avoid viruses, Surface Pro’s security does not allow for any personal files to be transferred to the tablet.
• 128 GB model only costs $6999.

CONS:

• Does not have Internet.

As you can see, the Surface Pro is a huge upgrade over the original Microsoft Surface, the pros greatly outweigh the cons. So go ahead and pick one up if you’re looking for a compliment to (or even a replacement for) your iPad.

Keep it locked to Apple Inquisition for all the latest tech news and reviews.

You might notice some changes going on around this site in the coming weeks, but rest assured, we here at Android Inquisition will continue to make it our mission to bring you the most unbiased and balanced news and features about everything Android and Google. 

Some short-sighted critics might wrongly argue that this is a reaction to the recent news of Apple’s disastrous earnings call and subsequent fall into irrelevancy. But they would be wrong. We here at Android Inquisition have known for some time now that Apple would soon implode dramatically (as they have now done) soon to be followed by exploding incredibly. The Internet is a harsh mistress, but we here at Android Inquisition are always changing to keep our digital fingers on the electronic pulse of the computerized tech world.

Keep your browser locked to Android Inquisition as usual for all things Blackberry and Zune!

We here at Apple Inquisition are delighted to report some very exciting, exclusive news today. As it turns out, the long-awaited, waterproof iPhone is already here. And the most surprising thing is: you’ve already had one for years!

That’s right, just minutes ago, we received an anonymous tip in our Anonymous Tips inbox stating that all iPhones are - and always have been - waterproof. How Apple has managed to keep this a secret from the general public for so long, we will surely never know. The iPhone truly is a magical device that continues to surprise and tantalize us long after we thought we knew everything.

So go ahead everyone, start submersing your iPhones in liquid! iPods and iPads are probably fine too! We here at Apple Inquisition can’t wait to try it out for ourselves!

Last night, under the cover of darkness, Google secretly released its redundant Google Maps app for iOS. Clearly someone at Google did not get the message when Apple replaced Google’s app with it’s own mapping service earlier this year with the release of iOS 6.

When I was young, I used to spend my days going out into the forest and just getting lost exploring. It’s this adventuring spirit that the Google Maps app is missing. Anyone can give you driving directions from point A to B, but Apple’s mapping services give you a different experience allowing you to discover the world and yourself.

Apple allows people to make mistakes and learn from experience. This is essential to not only our own personal growth, but the growth of culture and society. Apple’s Maps will lead you to new and unexpected places in life as well as geographically. And at the risk of editorializing, it’s just sad that Google is once again trying to compete in an overcrowded marketplace already won by Apple.

Keep it locked to Apple Inquisition for App reviews you can use! 

Yesterday’s iTunes 11 upgrade has been delighting users around the globe with a newly-discovered, unannounced feature in the world’s leading music collection software. Upon installation, iTunes 11 sometimes removes all of the songs from a user’s library allowing them to start their music collection fresh. The Internet has gone wild with praise for Apple’s bold re-imagining of their music software strategy.

Engadget:

I used to feel so restricted and confused looking at the tens of thousands of songs I’d acquired over the years. iTunes 11 really makes it simple. I just buy whatever I want, whenever I want.

The Verge:

It’s incredibly liberating opening up the new iTunes and seeing something really refreshing: nothing. The blank space that Apple has created really highlights their sleek design philosophy and their minimalist values while once again illustrating why they are the bleeding edge of the consumer tech world right now.

Gizmodo:

The definitive version of iTunes is here! Your songs, however, are not.

While some Apple detractors and Microsoft fanboys have been calling this a “bug” and “horrifying,” we here at Apple Inquisition love the postmodern take on media management. Apple has really sent a powerful message to competing tech giants and multimedia conglomerates. If you think about it. Smart people understand. 

Editor’s Note: Before anyone jumps to any conclusions assuming that Apple Inquisition will be biased against Microsoft because of our dedication to providing the best Apple coverage, I would just like to point out that it is our goal to bring the whole of this fascinating world of technology to our readers. While our focus will remain on Apple and their products, it is equally important to have a good understanding of the industry’s other leaders. Without competition, there is no innovation. So please broaden your horizons and enjoy Apple Inquisition’s review of a device that has the tech world buzzing with excitement: The Microsoft Surface tablet.

The Microsoft Surface is literally worse than ten holocausts.

Seriously, what is this garbage? Is it a tablet? Is it a computer? Well, it looks like it has Windows on it, so I guess it’s a computer. But oh wait! It doesn’t have things like a keyboard or mouse! Guess that would just make too much sense for a computer! And clearly, Microsoft isn’t in the business of making sense these days.

So maybe it’s a tablet? Question mark? I mean, you can touch the screen - or at least you can try to manipulate the screen by touch. Calling the screen somewhat unresponsive would be like calling your house burning down “somewhat inconvenient.” The device is literally impossible to use.

And then for some reason it comes with the stupid keyboard case thing that I don’t remember the name of. Gee, where did they get that idea? Oh, maybe from Apple because IT IS EXACTLY A SMART COVER! Except the difference is that Apple didn’t lie to people telling them that there is a keyboard in the Smart Cover. And that’s exactly what Microsoft has done: lie. This is not a keyboard. Keyboards have buttons that you can press that affect what’s on the screen. I don’t know what this is. It’s all soft and doesn’t even work most of the time. I was literally trying to type a document for ten minutes before I realized my hands were tapping on my t-shirt, not the keyboard. Microsoft says it works like magic. If that’s the case, this is the darkest kind of black magic only the most evil wizard could conjure.

Have you heard of Microsoft’s latest version of Windows? Windows 8? Well, consumers will be surprised to learn that the Surface doesn’t run Windows 8. It runs Windows 8 RT. So it looks like the atrocious Windows 8, except without the useful ability to “do things” and “use it.” What does RT even stand for? I have a pretty good guess: Re-Tarded.

Given the correct lighting and distance, the Surface is not terrible looking. But I really can’t determine the justification of its existence. Using this tablet for review has hindered my social relationships, irreparably damaged my eyesight and taken years off of my life. The Microsoft Surface began as a good idea, but ended up being one of the greatest trials this generation will face.

The Microsoft Surface is a plague upon mankind. I give it a 6 out of 10.

Apple has announced the departure of iOS Chief and all-around terrible human being, Scott Forstall. Apple CEO Tim Cook made it official in a media release today: 

It is with great levity that we announce the departure of longtime Apple detractor, Scott Forstall. Hey Scott, thanks for Apple Maps. That really worked out great. Anybody remember Ping? Didn’t think so. Another real winner there, Scott. Way to go!

Cook’s sarcastic press statement went on to highlight many of the disasters Forstall caused during his tenure at Apple including the “servicable-at-best iTunes interface.” It was also announced today that the magnificent visionary Jony Ive would be taking over many of Forstall’s duties at the company. When contacted for comment, Ive’s remarks were highly ironic: 

The design team “really appreciated” his “ideas.” I honestly don’t know what the opposite of a Retina Display would be, and I really don’t know why you would want one on an iPad mini. We were always worlds apart when it came to design decisions. Scott was a big fan of skeuomorphic elements with ripped paper in iCal, spinning reels in the Podcasts app, and the leather-bound Find Your Friends app. I’m much more interested in beautiful design that is also functional and not awful.

Ive’s comments also granted insights into the early meetings about the iPhone 5, which would be one of the last times the pair would work together: 

I was adamant that the screen be taller, but still small enough for the user to reach across with their thumb. Scott actually wanted to put electrified spikes on the phone. It made no sense. I asked him, “Why do you want to physically harm the customer?” He would just scream at me for hours. I couldn’t believe the things he said and how homophobic it all was.

Forstall leaves Apple with a legacy of poor decisions that have irreparably crippled the once great company. He is also a known holocaust denier.

If there is one thing that the evil corporation Microsoft is known for, it’s stealing the intellectual properties of others. First they stole the desktop computer from Apple, then they stole everything good about OS X and used it in whatever the current version of Windows is. And now this, their latest travesty.

A greasy Microsoft PR representative had the audacity to announce this week that the company will soon be releasing a plastic figurine of their “founder,” Bill Gates. This announcement comes in the wake of the passing of Steve Jobs and the recent announcement of his unauthorized figurine, bringing the already disreputable Microsoft to a new low of tastelessness and blatant disrespect.

At the risk of editorializing, we here at Apple Inquisition hope that the disgusting actions of Microsoft - which may be hate crimes - do not go unnoticed by the general public any longer. Furthermore, we long for the day when we can live free of the constant threat of a violent takeover by Microsoft’s regime, which would be like the novel 1984 combined with Stalin.

Stay tuned to Apple Inquisition for all of your tech CEO figurine news!

Full disclosure: Microsoft is suspected by some to be a terrorist organization. - Editor

When Apple’s CEO and figurehead, Steve Jobs passed away this year, many feared that Apple would be left adrift without their creative leader. It is well known that Jobs himself had a firsthand role in the development of Apple’s most successful products.

“We honestly have just been sitting around for months with no idea what to do.” said Apple’s Senior VP of Industrial Design, Jony Ive this week. “But then I read the Steve Jobs biography, and it’s just full of ideas! Have you guys read it? There’s a whole part about this new kind of Apple TV, it’s amazing. And then the chapter about how to make the 15” MacBook Air work, I really couldn’t figure it out. Steve really was a unique talent in this industry.”

The book includes detailed schematics of the next three generations of the iPhone, iPod and iMac. No Mac Pro tower is detailed, but the book does specify that Apple will no longer be focusing on support for the professional market in the upcoming years. Ive continued to sing praises for the late Jobs’ biography: “It’s amazing that Steve was able to code much of OS X 10.8 Snow Lion and OS XI Brontosaurus, and it was just such a stroke of luck for us that Isaacson was able to print it all in this wonderful book. And I can’t tell you how relieved I am to be able to start some real work on the iBrain. According to the book, it’s going to be revolutionary.”

Walter Isaacson’s biography of Steve Jobs has been available for several months now, and includes Jobs’ favourite oatmeal cookie recipe as well as most of Apple’s banking information.

A new Apple television set has been the hotly debated subject of a number of rumors since the release of Steve Jobs’ biography this past month. There is a particular chapter in the book in which Jobs speaks of a new product:

“I’ve been secretly working on an Apple TV set.” Jobs told me in confidence. “It’s going to revolutionize the television industry in the most magical way possible. This baby is going to melt faces and make your brain explode.”

Unfortunately for Apple, it seems that the new Retina Display television set literally does melt faces in addition to causing other bodily harm to its viewers. Our insider has the scoop:

Apple is currently in the testing stage with the new Apple TV. It looks like it’s still going to be a while before it’s ready for release, though. Product testers have been complaining about headaches, nausea, temporary blindness, diarrhea, permanent blindness, heart attacks, nose failure, death, and cottonmouth. I heard that an entire test facility was destroyed when someone tried to AirPlay an iPhoto slideshow from an iPad 3 to the new Apple TV. It was devastating for the development team to have to go back and tweak their designs.

While the immediate cause of these minor afflictions is still unknown, many people are theorizing that the 15970 x 9780 display is just an unholy number of pixels not meant for mankind.

Stay locked on Apple Inquisition as we bring you the latest on Apple’s secret television projects / weapons.